Christos H Papadimitriou Turing (pdf)

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they have been coming to this beach for too long. And
there is the occasional politically correct voyeur, making
48 Christos H. Papadimitriou
sure his eyes do not dwell more on your breasts than on
your eyes, your shoulders, the curve of the hill, the re-
flection of the sun in the sea, the silhouette of the little
old church, eyes in an even, sweeping motion that
seems painfully deliberate.
When Alexandros looks at my breasts, his iris is
enlarged and his lips make a small forward movement,
Ethel thinks. She touches her lover s hand, she looks at
him. A Scandinavian woman is running to the sea, a
blond boy in her pursuit, raising sparse clouds of white
droplets in their wake. She is laughing, her young full
breasts bouncing, beautiful. Alexandros is looking at the
girl s breasts, somewhat absentmindedly, while squeez-
ing Ethel s hand. Ethel feels a bite.
You enjoy looking at tits, don t you? she asks
Alexandros, trying to make it sound playful. He looks at
her, he smiles. Don t you? he replies. They are rather
nice, generally speaking, no? he adds, looking at her
breasts. His eyes light up in ecstasy, a mystic facing his
deity.
I feel a little uncomfortable when you are looking
at another woman s breasts, she finally forces the
words out. The prettier she is, the more uncomfortable
I feel. Alexandros has sat up. He caresses her hair,
looks into her eyes. This is called jealousy, he says,
and Ethel is already sorry that she spoke. It s okay to
feel jealous, little sister, Alexandros smiles. I am jeal-
ous about you all the time. It is painful, but a sweet kind
of pain. I am rather enjoying it. When other men are
looking at you in lust, that s the best kind, because I am
proud that I am your choice for the night. The most
painful kind is when I believe that you are attracted to
another man. Ethel wants to tell him that no other man
has attracted her, not for a long time. But she cannot.
This is a kind of pain I want to feel all the time, Alex-
andros continues. When you stop loving someone, the
pain of jealousy goes first.
What if I asked you not to stare at other women?
Ethel feels a strange need to continue her probe.
Turing (A Novel about Computation) 49
Alexandros looks at her, thoughtfully, almost sol-
emnly. I would stop looking at other women s breasts.
At once. You see, I am in love with you. You are the pur-
pose of everything else in my life. Alexandros is now
looking at the horizon. But I would do it with sadness,
he continues. Because it would mean that you do not
love me, not the way I am. It would mean that you are
looking for another lover, even if presently you are try-
ing versions of myself that you are crafting.
Short pause. Besides, I doubt that you would find
me attractive if, in order to conform to your wishes, I be-
haved in ways that do not come natural to me.
There is a long silence between them. The girls at
the beach are laughing, happy. Then Alexandros speaks
again, slowly. To love is to cherish your lover as an ideal
whole. Ethel is now a little irritated. How can you cher-
ish me as an ideal whole, Alexandros? You only met me
two weeks ago, on an island. It is as though he had the
reply ready, reading from a book. There may be facets
of you I do not know. But I am sure that I will love them
once I see them. His palms go between the back of his
head and the rock.
The bay faces northwest. As the sun sets, Ethel is
trying to grasp what Alexandros is telling her, lying next
to him on the smooth rock that is now getting a little
cooler. They say that if you look to the west at precisely
the moment of sunset, you can see the heel of Italy s
boot. Ethel is looking at the horizon, squinting.
Is epiphany ever anticipated? For the first time in
two weeks, Ethel feels close to this man. She feels that
she can understand his personality, his life and world
outlook, the way he loves her and thinks about her. For
a moment she is overwhelmed by the internal consis-
tency of it all, its harmony with the island and the
beach, its elegance even however alien and threaten-
ing all this may still seem to her. Her heart feels inflated,
ready to burst.
I love you, Alexandros, she whispers.
50 Christos H. Papadimitriou
Even before the utterance has left her lips, her
right hand darts forward, as if trying to grasp something
fragile and dear before it flies away. Alexandros closes
his eyes, suddenly overcome by a wave of bliss and de-
sire. He is kissing her hand.
In Ethel s tote bag, next to her sunscreen and
her headset computer, is a first-class ticket. A couple of
hours ago she has reconfirmed her flight on the Net. For
the next morning.
Turing (A Novel about Computation) 51
MOM
Ethel is now rolling her eyes. I ve told you a hundred
times, Mom, the father is not an option.
Another bay, another sunset. Dorothy is sitting on
a sofa in Ethel s living room, distinguished and beauti-
ful in her navy-blue evening dress. Ethel, in a long green
T-shirt and brown tights, is sitting on the floor facing [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]

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